Lesson in stoicism learned from being short changed

On holiday in France I made a morning trip to the campsite’s bakery for fresh baguettes. The price each is 90 cents and I bought 3 for a total of 2.70. I paid with a fiver. I was talking in French and could blame this for my carelessness, but is it a real excuse? Money is a common language in the Euro area. I should have received 2.30 in change. However, as I hastily put the money in the change compartment of my wallet I only noticed one euro coin as well as small money. Shortly afterwards, as I walked home I realised that I had only received 1.30 in change.

    There is a lesson. It is a cheaper lesson than the last one about the concert tickets, and one that I can solve with only a small adjustment to my behaviour. I decided that the mistake was genuine on the part of the shop assistant who gave me a one euro coin instead of a 2 euro coin by accident. I could easily prevent it happening in future by looking at my change and counting it at the counter before putting it in my wallet. The one euro this lesson cost me could save me many times that in future by this new adjustment to my behaviour. Later on when I bought drinks I always looked at my change and counted at the bar. It was always correct but soon I expect I will reap the benefit of my lesson.

      But more importantly that the money I will save myself in short changing in future is the lesson I reinforced about not sweating the small stuff. The major benefit was that I could take a minor annoyance and not overreact. I was out of pocket by one euro – very little. I often willingly make decisions that cost me much more than that. I had decided that instead of being annoyed with the shop assistant for not giving me correct change, or being annoyed with myself for not taking a moment to check, I decided that I had just learned a very important lesson and it had only cost me one euro. That outlook on life is priceless.  

Lesson in stoicism learned from post office failure

“You can tell the greatness of a man by what makes him angry”- Abraham Lincoln

I learned a lesson this week about how far I have come in absorbing the lessons of the great stoics, in particular Seneca and Marcus Aurelius. The source of the lesson was the Post Office.

     I had bought tickets in January for a concert by former Led Zeppelin lead singer, Robert Plant, and his band the Sensational Space Shifters to be held at a venue in Cork this week 120 miles (200 km) from my home. This week I had car trouble, a series of appointments and am preparing to go on vacation next week. I decided to give the concert a miss and posted the tickets for sale on donedeal for half price.

     I sold them with no difficulty. However the main issue on Monday evening was how to deliver the tickets to a customer in Cork and get paid in time for the concert on Wednesday evening. The Post Office delivers practically all post next business day so I was confident this would work. I agreed that the buyer could pay me by check when he received them – after all I had his name, address and phone number! I posted the tickets on Tuesday. To make sure I paid extra to send it Express Post which provided a tracking number. I didn’t bother paying 2 euro more for signature service.

     The buyer phoned me around midday on Wednesday to say it was after his post delivery time and there was no sign of tickets. I checked the tracking number on line and there was no mention of the letter after 21:43 on Tuesday at the National Sorting centre. I made a few calls to no avail. I read the terms and now realised that my decision not to pay 2 euro more for signature also meant I had no insurance cover and would only be due a refund of my postage for failure to deliver the next day!

     Even up until relatively recently I would have become quite incensed about such an incident. I was justified to become angry with the Post Office for failing to deliver next day as promised. I could become angry with myself for not asking about insurance when paying for postage. I could be angry at the postmaster for not telling me about insurance. But for what benefit? I was out of pocket anyway for tickets since January. I did not have the pay the additional expense of travelling to Cork. The only new loss was that I will not receive 60 euro payment for the tickets.

     But I am healthy. I am only out a relatively small amount of money. I have learned important lessons. Don’t sweat the small stuff. Ask about insurance when posting something valuable. And don’t rely on the Post Office if you really need to guarantee next day delivery.

If you don't know where you are going you will never get there

To get whatever you want follow the six-step plan. Decide what you want, what you will do for it, your timeframe, your plan, summarize all in a short statement and repeat every morning and evening.

The first step on the path to success is to know the path to success. As the old saying says, if you don’t know where you are going you will never get there, or as Yogi Berra put it, “If you don't know where you are going, you might wind up someplace else.” Napoleon Hill considered desire to be the first step on the path to success. You have to want success as badly as Socrates’ submerged student sought air. Hill interviewed many people who had achieved great things in life, and all knew what they wanted. They desired their goal above all else.

     When Hernán Cortes set out to conquer the Aztec empire, it is said that he burned his ships to prevent retreat. This has gone down in lore as the ultimate act of ensuring that there will be no going back. By removing the path of retreat you heighten your men’s desire to succeed in battle.

     You can follow a similar course on the path to success. If you give up your job with no chance of return before you set up your dream business, you have given yourself a very strong motive to succeed. If you have the option of return, this “packed parachute” will probably lessen the chances of success of your business.

     The path to success may not be the easiest path. After the great fire in Chicago, most of the city-center traders took the easier option: they left to establish stores on greenfield sites in western cities that were expanding. One exception was Marshall Field, who rebuilt his store where it had been. The store is still the most famous in that city.

     Hill identified a straightforward method of achieving success. He verified the validity of this method by asking very successful men of his time, Andrew Carnegie and Thomas Edison, what they thought. They agreed that it was the best course to any success in life – not just money.

1. Decide exactly what you want. If it is money, pick an exact amount rather than just “lots.”
2. Determine what you will do in return. Remember there is no such thing as a free lunch. 
3. Set a definite date by which you intend to get the money. 
4. Establish a clear plan and begin immediately. 
5. Write a concise statement of the first four points, saying what you want, what you will do in return, by when you will get it and how you will get it. 
6. Read this statement aloud twice daily – when you go to bed at night and when you get up in the morning.

In addition, when you are reading the statement, picture your success. Believe that you have already achieved your goal. If it is money, picture a bank statement with that amount on it. If it is a new car, picture yourself driving it. Enjoy the picture. Include in your picture yourself doing whatever you need to do to earn your dream. Stick to this plan and you will succeed.

     I used this exact formula for writing this book and others. I made the following statement, which I read aloud as part of my daily prayer morning and evening. “I will sell a million books within five years by writing books people want to read. My first book will be published in 2013. I will write something every day.”

     You can see all four elements in this statement. To sell a million books is a definite measure of success. I will do it by writing books people want to read. This is important. I am not writing this because it is what I want to write, although I do enjoy it. I am writing it because it is what you want to read and are willing to pay for. I have set a timeframe – 5 years to achieve one million sales. I have set a plan. My first book will be published in 2013. I will write something every day.

     As stated earlier, Graham Greene wrote brilliant novels by writing 500 words a day. I can manage that many words. I read over material to inspire me before going to bed at night. I wake up an hour earlier and write before starting to get myself ready for work and the kids ready for school. The method works. It is not difficult, but some effort is required.

     Hill practiced what he preached. He wrote “Our only limitations are those we set up in our own mind,” and this philosophy was put to the test when his son, Blair, was born without ears. He decided that he would instill in his son a burning desire to hear and speak. He discovered that his son could detect loud sounds at the base of his skull when he listened to records by biting the record player. Blair could hear when Hill shouted with his lips at the base of his skull.

     Gradually Blair heard enough sounds that he could speak. His parents insisted he go to regular school even though he could hear little. He got by. He had great drive and ambition to succeed. They refused to allow him learn sign language – a bit like ship burning.

     Eventually, when in college in his early 20s, Blair tried a new hearing aid that allowed him to hear perfectly. He was thrilled, and dedicated his life to helping people learn to hear. Doctors who examined him could find no trace of natural hearing equipment, but hear he did. Hill put it beautifully when he wrote “Truly, my son taught me that handicaps can be converted into stepping stones on which one may climb toward some worthy goal, unless they are accepted as obstacles, and used as alibis.”

     When you desire something badly enough, you will succeed. As I always say, if you want to do something you will find a way; if you don’t, you will find an excuse. There is no reason why you will fail if you use this approach. Follow the simple six-step process and go for it.

This is an extract from ‘Improve your life’ by George Nicholas. It is based on ideas of Napoleon Hill from ‘Think and Grow Rich’. 

Speed of action

Last week I read Robert Ringer’s blog post as I always do. Robert repeated one of his usual messages about the importance of taking action. The famous quotation of Theodore Roosevelt came to mind

In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing.

The downside of the occasional wrong action is much less than the problems resulting from delaying taking action. In one job my boss used to refer to this as paralysis by analysis. In many cases you look for too much information and don’t do anything. It is often said that you should fail fast and often and this is the best way of succeeding.

     I resolved to stop delaying. I resolved to publish my book as soon as possible. I have to review a few parts with some people and should just hurry up. But immediately I worried about my son’s First Communion party on the coming Saturday. He wanted me to hire a bouncy castle. So naively I phoned a few companies locally. There was no bouncy castle available for Saturday. Of course most Holy Communions are on Saturdays in May and many parents are pestered to do likewise. One company told me that she was booked up for months and some people are booking bouncy castles up to a year in in advance!

     Undeterred and with my new found commitment to take action I decided I would buy a used bouncy castle and sell it on after the party. I expected the difference in price would be less than the cost of one day’s rental. So for some hassle and short term cash flow I would have a castle. So I looked on Donedeal, Ireland’s foremost trading website. There were a few small castles 50 miles away, but it was the massive inflatable slide near Wexford town, my location, that caught my eye. The price was a bit more than I wanted to pay but with the intention of recycling the sale this was not such a big issue.

     I phoned and visited the seller in a village just outside Wexford where I had actually gone to primary school. The seller had been in my brother’s class. The slide was huge. We got the pump going and as the slide rose to the heavens I asked the seller how he had come to own it. He trades and renovates used shipping containers, that are often used as temporary lockable stores on building sites. He bought a container and the seller told him that he would also have to buy the slide if he wanted the container. After selling the container he would have nowhere to store the slide.

     I told him I had a 20 foot container that I bought when I built my house 8 years earlier. He said he would be interested to trade and would look at the container later in the evening. When he looked he valued the container at the same as the slide. I agreed, and best of all he would deliver the slide and take the container the day before the big communion party.

     I emptied the container that evening. I moved junk that had been in it for 7 years since I completed building my house. Leaving the container there was the opposite of speed of action. I was glad that the deal had forced me to do something I should have done years earlier. I found space in the shed for stuff worth keeping and space in refuse bags for all the trash. I then arranged neighbors to move the container to a more accessible position. He delivered the following day, Thursday, in plenty of time for the party.

     The party was great. The kids loved the slide. It was so much bigger and better than the average bouncy castle. The downside is that it is difficult to move. I will keep it for a few months until the kids are bored with it before selling it.

     It tells me the importance of taking action soon. If you want to do something and it is very difficult remember few things are impossible. Take action today and you will succeed. 

The power of thoughts

‘If you realized how powerful your thoughts are, you would never think a negative thought.’ Peace Pilgrim

Early in the week the above quotation arrived in my inbox from Darren Lacroix. It summarized perfectly using via negativa the underlying belief of many of the writers who have inspired me, especially Joseph Murphy.

     So I wondered who was this incredibly wise person, Peace Pilgrim? I googled and found that Peace Pilgrim was Mildred Norman Ryder who walked across America eight times campaigning for peace. She started as Peace Pilgrim in 1953 from Pasadena, California. She walked with nothing bar the clothes on her back and the few items she carried in the pockets of her blue tunic which read "Peace Pilgrim" on the front and "25,000 Miles on foot for peace" on the back. She relied on charity for food and shelter. She wrote books about her campaigns and the inner peace it brought.

     This brought to mind my friend Bettie-Marie. Bettie-Marie (pictured) walked over 13 days from Belfast in the North-east of Ireland to Wexford in the South-east campaigning for Body-Whys, an organization that works to help those with eating disorders. She took two weeks off from her job as manager of Brandon House Hotel to walk this long walk in a bikini raising money for Body Whys. The power of a thought.

     Bettie-Marie is an immigrant to Ireland and proudly became a citizen this year. She was sufficiently inspired to walk over 200 miles North to South.

     What ideas have you had to do something inspirational? You should do it. Act with speed because the longer you delay the more negative thoughts you will have that will stop you. Beware of negative thoughts. If you feel one coming reverse it as soon as you catch it.  I love this anonymous passage 

Rather than being annoyed, be amused.

Instead of getting angry, become curious.

In place of envy, feel admiration.

In place of worry, take action.

In place of doubt, have faith.

Negative energy is just positive energy

that's flowing in the opposite direction.

There's no need to fight or run away from that

negative energy. All you need to do is change its

direction. The more negative you are, the more

positive you can be. An automobile that can travel

70 miles per hour to the east... can also travel

just as fast when going west. But first, someone

must turn it around.

When you sense yourself becoming negative, stop

and consider what it would mean to apply that

negative energy in the opposite direction. Turn your

sadness into caring. Transform your complaints into

useful suggestions. Change your bitterness into

determination. The energy is already there,

All you need to do is change its direction.- Unknown

Get up and do what you do

Lately I have been reading Meditations by Marcus Aurelius. Verse 1 of book 5 is inspirational. I recommend you read it

At dawn when you have trouble getting out of bed tell yourself – ‘I have to go to work – as a human being. What do I have to complain of, if I am going to do what I was born for – the things I was brought into the world to do? Or is this what I was created for? To huddle under the blankets and stay warm? (from Gregory Hays translation, Phoenix 2004).

     It continues and is well worth reading the full verse. Coincidentally I also read a blog this week on Finding your daily motivation. Mike Figliuolo says that you should not pay attention to what keeps you awake at night. These are usually worries. You should pay attention to that which gets you up in the morning. This is your reason for living.

     I did find something to get me out of bed in the morning, writing. I awoke this morning to write this blog post. I get up every and write or edit books or a journal for an hour. I like to get up and get my children ready for school. I like to get up to go to work. It is what is in my nature. It is what I am good at.

     So find what you are good at and which inspires you. Get up every morning as early as you can and do what it is your nature to do. You have laid in bed long enough. Don’t you see the plants, the birds, the ants and spiders and bees going about their individual tasks, putting the world in order, as best they can? … Why aren’t you running to do what your nature demands?

     Get up and make the world a better place.

Don’t criticize, condemn or complain

Think long and hard before you criticize, condemn or complain about anyone to themselves or to other people. Will any benefit come to you or them from your criticism?

When were you last criticized? Was it by your spouse or partner over a trivial household matter? Was it by your boss over your work not being on time? Was it by your mother or father over the way you do something that never comes up to their standard? Did you like it? I suspect not. I don’t like being criticized. I don’t like to be criticized by my spouse for comments I passed before we married. I didn’t like it when a very critical former boss criticized my work. I didn’t like it when my mother said I was odd and getting odder. No one likes to be criticized. So why do we criticize, condemn and complain about other people? They don’t like it either.

     One criticism my spouse makes of me from before we were married is that I complained about her spending and timekeeping. My criticisms must have cut deep, because I still hear complaints about my complaints 15 years later. Everyone knows their own faults. They don’t want to be reminded of them. So why do so many of us criticize others for their failings, major or minor?

     Chances are slim that someone will actually change their opinion or behavior as a result of something you say. So what is the point of saying it? What are you going to gain by doing so? Maybe you think you will get peace of mind by letting them know your opinion. You are not going to take it. But ask yourself whether this small amount of personal satisfaction is worth the extra animosity it may create in the mind of the other person.

     We are human, and most of us react to things we don’t like. We are programmed by evolution to react to attacks on us with a fight or flight response. This is appropriate for dealing with an attack by a saber-toothed tiger. It is usually an overreaction to the minor incidents that irk us nowadays. We need to realize that the other party is likely to react to our overreaction with a similar overreaction.

     The trick is to find a way of containing your anger without letting the other person know. A good method is to write an email to the person who annoyed you. Omit their email address. After you have written all that you are going to write, save a draft. Reread it 24 hours later and decide if you need to edit it before sending, or to send it at all. Chances are you will not feel quite so strongly as when you wrote it. Omitting the address is a good way to make sure you don’t accidentally send it.

     Dale Carnegie gives a good example of someone who learned to modify his condemnations of others. Young Abraham Lincoln would often write letters critical of others. He ended up being challenged to a duel by someone he had criticized in an anonymous letter to a newspaper. The duel with broadswords on a sandbank of the Mississippi was stopped by the seconds before any harm was done. The incident had such an effect on Lincoln that he modified his behavior and afterwards seldom criticized others. During the course of the American Civil War he had plenty to be concerned about when his generals were not doing as well as he would like. He wrote a letter to General Meade criticizing him for not attacking Lee’s forces before they retreated across the Potomac. Lee’s defeated army had been temporarily slowed by floodwaters of the Potomac after the Battle of Gettysburg, and Lincoln thought Meade missed a great opportunity to end the war 3 years early. But the letter was found in his papers. He never sent it.

     Think long and hard before you criticize, condemn or complain about others to themselves or to third parties. Think about complaints you may make about the government or businesses. Is your complaint justified? Will any benefit come from your criticism? In some cases there is good reason, but even in those cases be careful about the language you use.

This is an extract from ‘Improve your life’ by George Nicholas. It is based on ideas of Dale Carnegie from ‘How to win friends and influence people’.