It’s hard to p!$$ you off if your don’t give a S&!+

I remember well something said to me years ago by a laid-back friend – ‘It is hard to piss off a man who doesn’t give a shit’. I made the point in Survive your Camp that when you are in a difficult life situation you have to let stuff go. Use apathy as a defense.

     But this has application to your life in general. The Buddha said that all unhappiness is caused by attachment. This could be attachment to possessions, to your job or avocations, or to people. Life is easier if you are not so attached.

     Many people become quite disheartened when their comfortable life changes for the worse. They suffer bereavement, divorce or a loss of a job. You should be thankful for the good things you have, but realize that they are not permanent either. This realization will make their inevitable loss to you less painful.

     This is an underlying ethos of stoicism. Stoics classify everything as either good, bad or indifferent. The only things that are good are virtues. You should work on improving these. The four cardinal virtues, from ancient Greek philosophy are prudence, justice, temperance (or restraint) and courage (or fortitude). The seven heavenly virtues of Christianity are chastity, temperance, charity, diligence, patience, kindness, and humility.

     The only bad things are vices. The vices that mirror the virtues in Greek Philosophy are rashness, injustice, intemperance and cowardice. A fuller list of vices is the seven deadly sins of medieval Christianity - wrath, greed, sloth, pride, lust, envy, and gluttony. The seven virtues above are opposites of these. You should work at eliminating them.

     Everything else is indifferent. Everything external to you, i.e. outside your total control, should be indifferent to how you feel. There are preferred indifferents, rejected indifferents and genuinely indifferent indifferents. It is important to neither be excessively pleased about the preferred or upset about the rejected indifferent events. If they are outside your control you have no reason to feel excessively pleased or displeased about them.

     Obviously it is preferred to have a job, wealth, friends and a family. You would rather not have illness, poverty or enemies. But it is important to neither be too attached to the former nor too upset about the latter. Anything outside your control should not affect how you feel about yourself.

     If you can maintain a stoical acceptance of the good and bad things that happen in your life you will have much more control over your happiness. If something is upsetting you ask yourself is it a result of your vice? If not don’t let it bother you. If you are overjoyed at an event ask yourself is it due to your own virtue? If not you should restrain your joy. Something that is the result of an action by another can easily be taken away.

     You will have a much happier life if you learn to not give a shit about good things or bad things. Chill! Be cool like Zeno.

(Illustration of Zeno from http://poignantboy.wordpress.com/2012/08/27/stoicism/)

Survive your camp. New book about concentration camp survival skills now available

‘To live is to suffer, to survive is to find some meaning in the suffering.’ – Friedrich Nietzsche, German philosopher, 19th century

I read many books to learn lessons to help me better deal with difficult life situations. I came across a reference to Viktor Frankl. Frankl, a Viennese psychiatrist, survived for three years in Auschwitz and other concentration camps. He applied what he learned from his camp experiences to logotherapy, the theory of psychotherapy that he developed.

     One can survive a difficult situation by having a meaning in life, a great love, or a noble, stoical acceptance of one’s suffering.

     I read many of Frankl’s books, especially Man’s Search for Meaning, the book that describes his experience. I used his experience as a guide for dealing with my difficulties. I surmised that skills learned and used to help someone survive the greatest, most evil calamity that man has committed against man must be powerful skills.

     So I started to write this book and read about other concentration camp experiences. I extracted lessons that can be applied to our own lesser difficulties in life. Our difficulties do not approach the horror of the Nazi death camps.

    Nothing else that man has ever done to his fellow man approaches the organized, systematic horror of the Nazi death camps. Only one inmate in 28 sent to these camps survived. Their main purpose was racial extermination.

     The Nazis established several camps for the sole purpose of extermination – most notably Treblinka, Sobibor, Chełmno and Bełżec. There were very few survivors of these camps, which is why they are less well known than the bigger workcamps.

     Only two Jewish prisoners survived Bełżec, in which around 500,000 died. Only three survived Chełmno. There were revolts in Treblinka and Sobibor and some escapees survived to tell their tale. Extermination was carried out on a similar scale at the multi-purpose camps of Auschwitz and Majanek.

     The Soviet Gulags, to which I also refer, were bad but not in the same league. Many were imprisoned for surprisingly minor reasons such as escaping from a German POW camp or referring to Stalin as ‘Old Man Whiskers’ in private communication to a friend.

     30% of those imprisoned in gulags perished. This was an inevitable result of carelessness and indifference. Inmates died because they were underfed and overworked in Siberian winters. There was not a policy of deliberate extermination as there was in Nazi camps.

     Auschwitz, in Poland, earned its notoriety because more people died there than in any other camp – over one million. It was the main destination for Jews transported from occupied countries as part of the Final Solution in the latter years of the war. By then the Germans were losing the war and most other extermination camps had been closed.

     Upon arrival there was the first selection. Children, old people and those judged unfit to work went straight to the gas chambers in Auschwitz-Birkenau.

     During those latter years of the war, healthy adults were sent to workcamps to help the failing war effort. Frankl was transported to a subcamp of Dachau near Munich. Primo Levi and Elie Wiesel, other authors I refer to below, were both sent to Auschwitz-Monowitz. This workcamp, also known as Auschwitz III or Buna, provided labor for building of a synthetic rubber factory.

     Wiesel also survived the notorious death march and transportation ahead of the Russian advance to Buchenwald in Germany. His father died shortly after arriving in Buchenwald.

     Some uneasy facts that I came across in my research present surviving a concentration camp in a darker light than that presented by Frankl. Primo Levi, an Italian Jewish chemist who survived for a year in Auschwitz, wrote extensively on his experience in If This Is a Man.

     In his follow-up book The Drowned and the Saved, published in 1986, Levi makes the point that the privileged prisoners were a minority in the camps but represent a majority of the survivors.

     Privileged prisoners, or Prominenten in German, helped run the camps. They included specialist workers such as doctors, and cooks, and supervisors to help run the camp — camp wardens and foremen, known as Kapos. They received better treatment than the ordinary prisoners.

     Many of the survivors felt guilty about surviving when so many ‘better’ people died. They might have done something that they felt was not the right thing in order to survive a bit longer.

     This is another reason that the death camps were so evil. Not only did they kill so many people, but they also scarred many survivors with feelings of guilt. The Nazis wanted those imprisoned, especially the Jews, to be degraded.

     I now realize that doing whatever it takes to survive is a key message of this book. To survive you need not just a noble attitude, your life work or someone to love, and resilience. You may also need to make compromises. You may have to do things that you would not do in better circumstances.

     This book contains lessons to help you survive a difficult situation until a better day. When that day comes you can fully enjoy life again. Do not feel guilty about doing what it takes to survive your difficult situation.

     Now available in print and ebook from Amazon.co.uk, amazon.com (print and ebook) and amazon Europe. Follow links to read more excerpts.

A ‘random’ breath test revealed Laplace’s demon

One morning recently I was stopped for a random alcohol breath test on the way home. While I was blowing into the breathalyzer a van pulling a trailer that I had finally had the opportunity to overtake a minute or so earlier was waved past. I was soon on my way again after registering zero and within minutes was driving behind the van and trailer again.

     The incident inspired me to think about fate and random events. If I had not had the opportunity to overtake the van a minute earlier its driver would have been subjected to the ‘random’ breath test. I would have been waved past and on my way.

     But none of this was random. Everything that happened on my journey home was the direct result of actions taken by me and others. And these actions were caused by previous actions going all the way back to the big bang. Nothing that happens is truly random. Everything is the inevitable result of previous actions.

     I left for home at a certain time. I missed a turn and went a slightly longer route. I came to be driving behind a van that left his departure point at a time determined by whatever was going on in the driver’s life. The checkpoint was set up for that place and time in advance. If you had total knowledge you could have predicted the events exactly as they occurred.

     But no one knows everything. That is why we have the concepts of ‘randomness’ and ‘probability’ to try and estimate unknowns. For instance there was nothing random about the checkpoint being where it was that morning or me being on that road or the other driver being on that road. An all knowing being would have known all that and would have predicted me being stopped and breathalyzed.

     Everything that happens is the direct result of events that have happened before.

     The event that morning was of little consequence. I had not been drinking so just drove on delayed by a few minutes. The van turned onto a different road shortly afterwards so I did not even have to overtake it again.

     But I did gain a deeper insight into the stoical concept that the course of events is set and cannot be changed. Now that you are aware of this inevitability, paradoxically, it allows you more control over adverse events and perhaps to ameliorate any bad effect on you.

     And your new awareness of the need to examine likely scenarios is an inevitable consequence of actions taken by you and others. This was entirely predictable to someone with the knowledge that you would read this and other similar material.

     You ask if you can ever have total knowledge of everything going on?  And if not how is this insight of use? You do know part of it – you know what is going on in your own mind and near you. Instead of living within your body take ‘a view from above’. Imagine you are not in your own body but looking down on yourself from the ceiling. See your actions and how you interact with others. Observe yourself as you would observe others. How do you appear to third parties? Are you popular? Do they think you are clever?

     Look at others from a similar vantage. What are they thinking? What are they doing? Now as a result of what you can see, predict the next few events in your life. The things you do yourself should be entirely predictable if you have planned your day. You will probably notice that the actions of others as they relate to you are also somewhat predictable.

     Obviously, you cannot know as much as an all seeing observer. Actions of some people you do not know may influence events. You did not expect the telephone survey to occupy 15 minutes of your time delaying your day. But if you had total knowledge of that person’s calling schedule the call to you was entirely predictable. But how often does this kind of outside interference affect our lives?

     This prediction of future events is known as predestination or determinism and is a well-known concept in religion and philosophy. Predestination is a core belief of Calvinism. Depending on the will of God some are chosen and some are damned and their actions follow.

     Determinism is independent of the influence of God or existence or not of an afterlife. It is a well-known concept in Eastern religions such as Buddhism as well as in Western Philosophy. The concept of all-knowing observer was presented in the early 19^th century by the French mathematician Pierre-Simon Laplace. He wrote a treatise on causal or scientific determinism and the all-knowing observer is now referred to as Laplace’s demon or Laplace’s superman. If someone, the demon, knows the precise location and momentum of every atom in the universe, their past and future values for any given time can be calculated from the laws of classical mechanics. With this knowledge the demon can predict everything that happens in the universe.

     To do this would require an immense computer and knowledge. Many have ‘proven’ that is not possible. However, absence of proof in this case is not proof of absence. Just because our current state of knowledge cannot construct such a computer does not mean it is not possible at some time in the future.

     To begin with don’t think so big. Take 5 minutes each morning to predict the events of your day. You won’t be able to predict the actions of all external actors that affect you. However, if you are honest the prediction of your entire day will be surprisingly close to reality.

Gift Value Ratio

Seneca wrote many books on the importance of gift giving. But what is the perfect gift? It should ideally be something needed by the receiver. And how much should it cost you?

     Many people do not like giving money as a gift. It seems slightly thoughtless. It is immediately apparent how much they value the other person. It shows no effort of thought. But I think this is unfair. There are few gifts more useful to the receiver or valued more highly than money – unless, perhaps, the receiver is so wealthy that he has no need of more.

     If you give cash as a gift the cost of the gift to you, the giver, and the value of its benefit to the receiver are the same. The value of the gift can be presented as a ratio – (value of gift to receiver)/(cost of gift). For cash this ratio will be 1. A gift that costs $20 to you is $20 benefit to the receiver.

     Let’s compare this value to other gifts. Sometimes people give gift vouchers for a store or chain of stores. In most cases these cost the same as their face value – a $20 voucher in a store costs $20. It also may cost you a little more if you had to go to the store specially to buy it. But how much is it worth to the receiver? If the receiver shops in the store regularly and spends much there it has the same value as cash, so gift value ratio is 1. But if the person never or seldom shops in the store, it is worth considerably less than 1. The receiver would have to make a special trip to the store and may end up buying something there that they would prefer to buy elsewhere for less. There is also a good chance that the voucher will never be used, or might expire, or the store might go out of business making the gift value ratio 0. The number of unused gifted store vouchers is considerable.

     Perhaps you can get a voucher with a gift value ratio greater than 1. If you pay less for the voucher than face value and it is for a store where the receiver often shops, the value is greater than 1 making it a high value gift. I am surprised that people do not demand a discount for vouchers. In many cases they expire unused. The receiver has to use them in that shop and may add to the voucher value with other money. They are a good business for the shop and I am surprised more shops do not discount them. 

     It is difficult to buy a gift and meet or exceed the gift ratio of 1. In many cases the person will not value the gift as much as it costs. If is it not something that the person would like to buy with their own money, it is not valuable gift. You would be better off giving cash. Or ask them what they want. You may prefer to give a surprise but the receiver would prefer to receive something they want.

     There are some cases where you can get a gift with a value higher than 1 and this is where thought comes in. If you travel often you may be able to buy gifts at duty free or in other countries cheaper than the receiver can buy them at home. You could buy smoking materials, food, drink, perfumes etc at a good price. If you know the brand will be to the liking of the receiver these gifts have a value greater than 1.

     Or perhaps you are a great shopper who finds bargains. You might finds something you know would be a great gift for someone at a good price. This shows that you are thinking about the person.

     A gift does not have to cost you money. Perhaps give the gift of time. If you can do a difficult task for a friend who is temporarily incapacitated, or mind their dog when they go on holiday or carry out a similar helpful task, this can cost you very little depending on how you value your time and be of considerable benefit to the receiver. Gifts such as this may have a value ratio well in excess of 1.

     So what do you give as a gift? Cash is always good. If you can think of something of greater value, so much the better. But resist the temptation to buy just anything. Be sure that the gift will be of greater value to the recipient than it costs you. If not cash is a more thoughtful gift.

Lesson in stoicism learned from being short changed

On holiday in France I made a morning trip to the campsite’s bakery for fresh baguettes. The price each is 90 cents and I bought 3 for a total of 2.70. I paid with a fiver. I was talking in French and could blame this for my carelessness, but is it a real excuse? Money is a common language in the Euro area. I should have received 2.30 in change. However, as I hastily put the money in the change compartment of my wallet I only noticed one euro coin as well as small money. Shortly afterwards, as I walked home I realised that I had only received 1.30 in change.

    There is a lesson. It is a cheaper lesson than the last one about the concert tickets, and one that I can solve with only a small adjustment to my behaviour. I decided that the mistake was genuine on the part of the shop assistant who gave me a one euro coin instead of a 2 euro coin by accident. I could easily prevent it happening in future by looking at my change and counting it at the counter before putting it in my wallet. The one euro this lesson cost me could save me many times that in future by this new adjustment to my behaviour. Later on when I bought drinks I always looked at my change and counted at the bar. It was always correct but soon I expect I will reap the benefit of my lesson.

      But more importantly that the money I will save myself in short changing in future is the lesson I reinforced about not sweating the small stuff. The major benefit was that I could take a minor annoyance and not overreact. I was out of pocket by one euro – very little. I often willingly make decisions that cost me much more than that. I had decided that instead of being annoyed with the shop assistant for not giving me correct change, or being annoyed with myself for not taking a moment to check, I decided that I had just learned a very important lesson and it had only cost me one euro. That outlook on life is priceless.  

Lesson in stoicism learned from post office failure

“You can tell the greatness of a man by what makes him angry”- Abraham Lincoln

I learned a lesson this week about how far I have come in absorbing the lessons of the great stoics, in particular Seneca and Marcus Aurelius. The source of the lesson was the Post Office.

     I had bought tickets in January for a concert by former Led Zeppelin lead singer, Robert Plant, and his band the Sensational Space Shifters to be held at a venue in Cork this week 120 miles (200 km) from my home. This week I had car trouble, a series of appointments and am preparing to go on vacation next week. I decided to give the concert a miss and posted the tickets for sale on donedeal for half price.

     I sold them with no difficulty. However the main issue on Monday evening was how to deliver the tickets to a customer in Cork and get paid in time for the concert on Wednesday evening. The Post Office delivers practically all post next business day so I was confident this would work. I agreed that the buyer could pay me by check when he received them – after all I had his name, address and phone number! I posted the tickets on Tuesday. To make sure I paid extra to send it Express Post which provided a tracking number. I didn’t bother paying 2 euro more for signature service.

     The buyer phoned me around midday on Wednesday to say it was after his post delivery time and there was no sign of tickets. I checked the tracking number on line and there was no mention of the letter after 21:43 on Tuesday at the National Sorting centre. I made a few calls to no avail. I read the terms and now realised that my decision not to pay 2 euro more for signature also meant I had no insurance cover and would only be due a refund of my postage for failure to deliver the next day!

     Even up until relatively recently I would have become quite incensed about such an incident. I was justified to become angry with the Post Office for failing to deliver next day as promised. I could become angry with myself for not asking about insurance when paying for postage. I could be angry at the postmaster for not telling me about insurance. But for what benefit? I was out of pocket anyway for tickets since January. I did not have the pay the additional expense of travelling to Cork. The only new loss was that I will not receive 60 euro payment for the tickets.

     But I am healthy. I am only out a relatively small amount of money. I have learned important lessons. Don’t sweat the small stuff. Ask about insurance when posting something valuable. And don’t rely on the Post Office if you really need to guarantee next day delivery.

If you don't know where you are going you will never get there

To get whatever you want follow the six-step plan. Decide what you want, what you will do for it, your timeframe, your plan, summarize all in a short statement and repeat every morning and evening.

The first step on the path to success is to know the path to success. As the old saying says, if you don’t know where you are going you will never get there, or as Yogi Berra put it, “If you don't know where you are going, you might wind up someplace else.” Napoleon Hill considered desire to be the first step on the path to success. You have to want success as badly as Socrates’ submerged student sought air. Hill interviewed many people who had achieved great things in life, and all knew what they wanted. They desired their goal above all else.

     When Hernán Cortes set out to conquer the Aztec empire, it is said that he burned his ships to prevent retreat. This has gone down in lore as the ultimate act of ensuring that there will be no going back. By removing the path of retreat you heighten your men’s desire to succeed in battle.

     You can follow a similar course on the path to success. If you give up your job with no chance of return before you set up your dream business, you have given yourself a very strong motive to succeed. If you have the option of return, this “packed parachute” will probably lessen the chances of success of your business.

     The path to success may not be the easiest path. After the great fire in Chicago, most of the city-center traders took the easier option: they left to establish stores on greenfield sites in western cities that were expanding. One exception was Marshall Field, who rebuilt his store where it had been. The store is still the most famous in that city.

     Hill identified a straightforward method of achieving success. He verified the validity of this method by asking very successful men of his time, Andrew Carnegie and Thomas Edison, what they thought. They agreed that it was the best course to any success in life – not just money.

1. Decide exactly what you want. If it is money, pick an exact amount rather than just “lots.”
2. Determine what you will do in return. Remember there is no such thing as a free lunch. 
3. Set a definite date by which you intend to get the money. 
4. Establish a clear plan and begin immediately. 
5. Write a concise statement of the first four points, saying what you want, what you will do in return, by when you will get it and how you will get it. 
6. Read this statement aloud twice daily – when you go to bed at night and when you get up in the morning.

In addition, when you are reading the statement, picture your success. Believe that you have already achieved your goal. If it is money, picture a bank statement with that amount on it. If it is a new car, picture yourself driving it. Enjoy the picture. Include in your picture yourself doing whatever you need to do to earn your dream. Stick to this plan and you will succeed.

     I used this exact formula for writing this book and others. I made the following statement, which I read aloud as part of my daily prayer morning and evening. “I will sell a million books within five years by writing books people want to read. My first book will be published in 2013. I will write something every day.”

     You can see all four elements in this statement. To sell a million books is a definite measure of success. I will do it by writing books people want to read. This is important. I am not writing this because it is what I want to write, although I do enjoy it. I am writing it because it is what you want to read and are willing to pay for. I have set a timeframe – 5 years to achieve one million sales. I have set a plan. My first book will be published in 2013. I will write something every day.

     As stated earlier, Graham Greene wrote brilliant novels by writing 500 words a day. I can manage that many words. I read over material to inspire me before going to bed at night. I wake up an hour earlier and write before starting to get myself ready for work and the kids ready for school. The method works. It is not difficult, but some effort is required.

     Hill practiced what he preached. He wrote “Our only limitations are those we set up in our own mind,” and this philosophy was put to the test when his son, Blair, was born without ears. He decided that he would instill in his son a burning desire to hear and speak. He discovered that his son could detect loud sounds at the base of his skull when he listened to records by biting the record player. Blair could hear when Hill shouted with his lips at the base of his skull.

     Gradually Blair heard enough sounds that he could speak. His parents insisted he go to regular school even though he could hear little. He got by. He had great drive and ambition to succeed. They refused to allow him learn sign language – a bit like ship burning.

     Eventually, when in college in his early 20s, Blair tried a new hearing aid that allowed him to hear perfectly. He was thrilled, and dedicated his life to helping people learn to hear. Doctors who examined him could find no trace of natural hearing equipment, but hear he did. Hill put it beautifully when he wrote “Truly, my son taught me that handicaps can be converted into stepping stones on which one may climb toward some worthy goal, unless they are accepted as obstacles, and used as alibis.”

     When you desire something badly enough, you will succeed. As I always say, if you want to do something you will find a way; if you don’t, you will find an excuse. There is no reason why you will fail if you use this approach. Follow the simple six-step process and go for it.

This is an extract from ‘Improve your life’ by George Nicholas. It is based on ideas of Napoleon Hill from ‘Think and Grow Rich’.